Rohn River and 9 Months

  Hello! It’s been a busy few weeks. So much growing has gone on!
Little man River has reached 9months with the help of lots of love and food. Little man loves to feed himself, so finger foods are a must! Blueberries are a constant favorite.

To help him along with his chomping, our baby boy has decided that he needed his top two teeth. He now has a total of 4 teeth with what looks like another on the way!
Now that he has mastered sitting up he gets to take a bath all by himself. He LOVES splashing around with his toys in the tub!

After the joys of learning to sit up, Rohn River decided he needed to start learning to pull himself up on things and stand. It’s opened up the world to him!

He looks like a wee porcupine 😂

 Besides being a champion stand-upper. Rohn River is super proud that he has learned to clap. His favorite is being praised while we all clap and call out his name.

The most amazing is how big this boy has become, now fitting in sizes 12-18 months! Such a strong wee boy! 

We also are surprised and pleased that he has learned how to crawl! His world is open and without corners now. He goes everywhere and follows his mommy wherever she goes.  

We love our little man River and can’t believe it’s his last month in the single digits(month wise)! What a boy, what a sweetie, what a loved loved boy!



He’s not so into laying down pictures anymore!


Pressure and Release 

I feel like I’m getting attacked every which way. It’s as if the fan just keeps throwing out that famous proverbial sh*t.My mother has had some serious health scares since my father moved on to the next world. It’ll be five years this coming Independence Day and I have to lay it true that the weight of what he covered in our families lives has not been easy to take up. It’s like a black hole got shot amongst us and it’s slowly seeping and sucking to take things, or add things of burden and hardship.

This past week my mother was trying to get back on her feet in the ICU wing of the hospital. Her oxygen levels where extremely low and my sister said that our mother was blue when she came to get her. Getting her oxygen level up is our immediate need. Then on top off the doctor believed she has congenital heart failure. She doesn’t even stay home a day when the at home visiting nurse believes my mother’s having a heart attack and takes her back to ICU. She didn’t have one, but my mother said it felt like her chest was caving in. She never felt anything like it.  We celebrated her birthday at the hospital. 

The pressure and immediate fear of loss is so heavy. Even in my sister’s household. Her husband is seeking emergency surgery this next week. What is going to happen? The stress the family is under is overwhelming. 

My brother is at his wits end in a means to provide and get his family in order while battling for the rights he has with his first child from a previous marriage.

I see my husband and partner less and less, I know he feels like he needs to step up and try to cover all that my father once did. And now there is added pressure when we consider my sister and brother-in-law’s health and medical bill situation. My husband has the heart to want to cover us all, but he is one man who has his own household needing his attention and focus.

And I can’t even be the supportive sister/aunt/daughter that I know I’d want to be and need to be for the people I love in my life. All my time, all my breath is taken up by my children. I feel I have nothing left of me to give! I can’t be that listener, can’t give that care taking because that is all I do. By the end of the day it’s all been taken from me already. What more do I have? 

I can’t focus on loving on my mom or comforting my sister and family because now all my attention and need is pointed to my son. Our Samwise.

Sometime in the fall he started getting these bumps on his skin. I took him to the doctor when they refused to clear up and she[the doctor] cermised that it was a bacteria infection he picked up from the girls’ school interactions. He would grow out of it.

 After a month or two he seemed to clear up. Then after the new year the bumps reappeared and I did what I could, I’d clean him and moisturize his body. Then he got some more and he wouldn’t stop scratching. I did all the research the Internet could allow me. Every morning I would discover new bumps emerging. I took him back, I knew in my gut it wasn’t what the doctor first thought it was. We did blood tests and she recommended me to a specialist.

We went there and I cried as my son clung to me as he underwent a biopsy. My little boy isn’t even two and already has had stitches.

The bumps have exploded all over his boy. No matter the amount of soothing baths I give him throughout the day, the moisturizers I lather him in, the medicine I apply…he is in constant discomfort.

Some of the tests have come back and the specialist has concluded he has psoriasis. Psoriasis. My little boy…

There is apparently no cure. I’m told he’ll have to be treated for the rest of his life. I don’t want to accept that.  

Everything is harder. Everyday is a constant battle to keep him under control. My every moment watching to keep him from irritating his skin more. And I fail everyday. Everyday there are new bloody patches. Everyday he has a several melt downs when I need to clean or apply his creams. Then I melt down at how helpless I feel.

Then there is how people react to him if we go out of the house. It’s nearly summer in Texas and I have to dress my son in long sleeves and pants to keep him from scratching and others from looking. 

People stare. If kids are in the same area they grab their children to keep away from him. I even had a mother who was pushing a stroller, her arms full, go out of her way to open another door to side step my son who stood by the door I had held open for her.

 Strangers, Latino’s in particular, used to come up just to touch my son’s novelty white gold hair. Today a women reached out her hand to ruffle those locks like so many people have done before, but recoiled her hand once she looked at him. I felt my blood boil before a wave of sadness struck me in the gut. 

I try to bear all the questions with grace, but i get so exhausted. I’m so sad for my boy. He was supposed to get to do swimming lessons this spring, but it’s out of the question. He was supposed to have a birthday party at the local splash pad, but he won’t be now. He would be shunned and I couldn’t stand to witness that. I feel so helpless and over my head.
Everyday is beyond what I think I could handle. Everyday my son cries and he is in such need of my attention and love that I feel like I’m failing the needs of my other wonderful children. I don’t have patience for them. I blow them off, I don’t listen to the things they want to talk about, about their day. I’m not even breast feeding regularly. I give my baby a bottle and walk away to tend to my other son’s needs. Even now, I’ve spent too much time on this, I know. I’ve looked down and witness yet another bloody sore on my little boy’s skin. With each cut that means his immune system will go into over drive, which means more bumps will show themselves in the morning. Even in front of my eyes, if he gets too stress in a moment I can see the sores become red hot and inflamed.  

Samwise and kitty Midas

I talk to God. I feel so distant from His voice. I tell myself that when God is silent that means He is building me and my seeking of His presence.

I thank Him for my son. I thank Him that our boy isn’t terminally ill. That he is smart and beautiful and loved. And then I thank Him for healing my boy of this terrible affiliation. I speak things as though they were. I praise God for His healing touch for allowing my son to out grow this pain. I won’t accept this life-time psoriasis for my son.

Because if I’m not hopeful, if I’m not idealistic- I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t have anything to hold on to in my desperation.

Psoriasis is his immune system attacking himself. The symptoms are similar to eczema, but like eczema blown up on steroids. My husband gave me hope, and hope in my talks with God. He, my husband, had bad eczema as a child but grew out of it. I’m holding so tightly to that. And to God’s promise over my life. I’m to have double portions of blessings and I claim that for my children and my children’s children.

Please keep me, the family, in your prayers. We need every encouragement out there.

Birthday Celebrations and Questionare 

Birthday’s can be fun! Birthday’s can be fun especially when you make the month your official birthday.
We started my birthday month out by hightailing it to the coast for some good time, beach time.

Naturally, hearing my mother tell me since the birth of my son, River, that I look too pale over and over, I figured some sunshine would do me proper. That is, until I trade that paleness for a deep red blush, and by that I mean I got sun burned. And I’m not even going to get to keep the color as now I’m just a blob of pale and then peeling skin. Nice visual, huh?

The beach was wonderful, relaxing and we were driving back home too soon. But back in time for my actual birth date and a little date my SIL set up for me. 

The eve of, we had a family bbq with my brother over and he gave me a rocking City and Colour tee that I’m wearing even now, along with beautiful flowers from himself and my mother who also gave me a gift card to go shopping. 

Flowers from my mother, brother and daughters…bet you cant guess which one is from the girls 😉

That next morning my children graced me with kisses and love notes with drawings. My daughter, Sparrow had sweet notes and scented gifts she had been saving for me, and daughter, Apple, gave me a beautiful candle to go with it all. 


carefully wrapped gifts

The man of the house treated us all by taking us to the new cafe in town called “Twisted Sisters” where we each picked pastries or baked goods of some sort and I got a lovely coffee.


very happily waiting for his blueberry scone

I was thrilled to open up gifts that had come by mail. My bestie sent me some fabulous hand cream and a journal made by hand in Paris. One box contained my new purse/baby bag that I later came to find was from the parent in laws. Later I got the joy of opening a parcel from my thoughtful in-laws from Arkansas. Each package gave me joy to open. Thank you! 

beautifully wrapped from my Jessica Morgan


my new purse/baby bag- thanks Marion!


beautiful and fun goodies- Thank you, Lori!

 My husband bought me some lovely dangly bird earrings to go with his pet name for me. He also surprised me with a gorgeous statement piece.

I have no idea where or when or if(!) I can pull it off. Definitely feeling motivated to get sexy just to show off the piece. Which means less pieces of pie for me. Much less…maybe, if I can find the self control I know I have stored somewhere along with some other fruit. 


While waiting for my birthday hair session to start I took my time on FB reading all the sweet birthday messages. These are the two that touched me the most.  

 My local main squeeze, Callie aka SIL, came by and gave me new hair to rock out to before we headed to our date. While she applied her vision she discreetly feed me glass after glass of champagne. Which continued even into our date; painting with champagne.  

 No, we didn’t paint with champagne, we drank champagne while we painted. I was somewhere between talking to much and getting into my zone. Which means half the time I was suppose to be paying attention to the instructor but quite honestly forgot anyone else existed outside the lines and colors I was creating. Then, I would snap out of it turn around and try to pretend like I was as present as anyone else in the room.  

 The times when I wasn’t being a total space cadet I was over in my corner with Callie and maybe we were a little louder, let’s say boisterous then many of the other ladies. But we also laughed and seemed to have had a better time as well, but maybe that was because of our company including the champagne.  
After our Mona Lisa’s were complete, I didn’t want to go back home to the babies just yet (please God, no, not yet!) and Callie was gracious enough to take me quite literally to places I’ve never been but have always been longing/curious to go to.

Starting with Otto’s we hung out on some couches and talked and laughed with some more champagne until the stars were starting to appear. Then we moved the party to a bigger ‘legend’ of local stops; Hill Top. 

Quite literally in the middle of nowhere, and possibly the poshest, most expensive place I have ever stepped foot into. We had stuffed shrimp, dessert and I had some margarita. I was treated to all of it thanks to my date, Callie. We even got sung to. That girl knows how to splurge and spoil. I felt so fancy!
It was pretty late when we left our table, I think we even closed the place down. We were both feeling pretty good, one of us a little less seasoned in the art of drinking. I won’t say who so maybe I can pretend that I’m the seasoned one.  

when your taking selfies but you have to stop and laugh out loud because the wind is giving you the Trump ‘do

Anyway, one of us was giggling way too much and the only thing that a good hostess/date can do to remedy the giggles is to stay out longer! Was she right or what!?
But, we shamelessly got pulled over on the way back into town. Maybe I should have been as freaked out as my driver, but I had had a margarita at our last stop and it seems nothing really bothers you at that point. Thank God(and my husband’s vast network of people he knows) that we got out of it, as a ticket would have made the night turn into, “Boooooooo!” fest. 
Next we stopped off at a local spot I HAVE been to before and there we drank some more, laughed some more, talked some more and made merry. I was also surprised by running into a classmate of mine back in computer class. Dana, it was fun to see you! 

making 29, cause we fine!

 Maybe too merry as I still don’t know what my limits are(I skipped the whole party/college stage of my life). Yeah, I was shameful and Callie literally had to pour me into my own shower. 

It makes me feel classier when I tell myself that I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been like that. And then I’m like, dude, I’m so boring! I need MORE times like that!…. Until the morning sets in.

I had a blast and a half and feel a closer keen ship with the SIL.

On to this year’s birthday Questionare !


 1)What are you saying goodbye to?
28, sweet sweet 28

2)Did you travel anywhere?
Yes, we went to the river and the coast twice. We also went to New Mexico for the first time as a family(I’ve been a few times) and got to play in the snow there together. 


the difference betweebn two family holidays


Snowball Fight and Flight


3)Did any one special pass on, give birth or marry?
Yes! Cue the same answer from last year; I gave birth to a son. It’s our second boy but fourth child. He is a pleasure and brings me such peace and comfort. Our little man, River.

the most precious gift 28 gave me

4)Did you read much?
Other than mommy reading/ picture books I was able to complete only one book my 28th year. Howls Moving Castle. I enjoyed it indeed, otherwise I wouldn’t have finished it within a year. Ha!
5)What music will forever represent that year?
I got a little into Lana Del Ray’s new album but it didn’t quite reach my soul as her other ones have. I also got the new Gwen Stefani album and it’s been playing too long, I know, because the girls are singing it all the time now.    

6)Did you watch many shows?
The Walking Dead- mommy and daddy time! Yeah! 
7)How about the movies?
I think this might be the first year we didn’t get to go to the movies. Not even once. My poor husband didn’t even get to see the new Star Wars movie while it was in theaters. We’ve seen it, but it’s not the same and I feel sad that we couldn’t make it work with how much he likes that whole Star Track thing. 😉

8)Did you make any friends?
No. No friends for me. Hobbits like to keep to themselves. Especially if they can barely keep their sh*t together on their own. I’m not into witnesses of my failings. 

9)What did you meditate on?
Gentleness, kindness, self love

10)What did you spend most of your time doing?
Scrambling. My time is spent scrambling. I’m a hot mess! I’ve got dreads forming in my hair, my meals consist of whatever my kids don’t eat. The bathroom is my favorite (quite and locks) room in the house and I’ve been wearing the same shirt for a week despite the fact that it’s been spit up on more than once. 

11)Who inspired you?
My husband inspires me. I even feel jealous of him at times. Is that even a thing? Being jealous of your husband? That’s freaking weird.
I am inspired by his drive. I’ve always wanted drive, have always needed it. But have never had it… I know, I know; one shouldn’t say never or always. Anyway, I’ve got a talented husband and if I had a pinky of the magic he possesses I’d be almost as awesome. 

12)What’s some favorite moments?
Picking up Amy, Peter’s cousin from the airport. Having his brother and family be there for his 30th birthday. 
Ultimately, holding my wee lad in my arms after his birth.  


13) Hardest moment? 
It’s been hard in general. I’d say, not having an easy labor. Even now I think back and don’t know if I can recall a time I’ve felt so drained, weary, and just ready to give up. 

14) Favorite item? 
Oh my gosh, the ring my Scotsman gave me for our 11th anniversary(turquoise). I lost it for a week and was heartbroken the whole time. So happy my Sparrow girl found it for me.

The ring that i cant be without!

15)Best song to belt out to while driving.
I haven’t done much driving or drive singing. Didn’t I mention how I was a hermit now? Hermit, Hobbit, same damn thing. 

16) What is your motto?
“Go the f*ck to sleep!”

17)Who is your best friend?
I guess the Holy Spirit. Even there I feel the distance.  I don’t feel I have a best friend these days.

18) What’s the next book you want to read?
Still flippin’ waiting on Winds of Winter or whatever Martin’s new novel is called.(this is the same answer from last year and how funny as I just checked last night to see if there have been anymore chapters released.)

19) How do you feel about your body?
It’s depressing. I don’t know what to do. I’m too tired to try, but too afraid to let it alone.

20) What are you chasing at the moment?
Freedom, Sanity. Maybe just to have an adult in the same room as me. But, I don’t want to try to small talk with anyone it’s simply too exhausting for me.

22) What do you want to buy?
I want to buy a home surrounded by trees sitting on lush land. Away from society. 

23)What did you want that you did get?
Well, I kind of got it but I didn’t. I’ve always longed to be surround by my husband’s parents and family at least once while I was pregnant. It’s just a little fancy I’ve had as long as I’ve been married into the family. I had asked God to bring it together for me and though it didn’t happen the way I requested, I was delighted and feel like God honored me when cousin Amy and the Scott McFarlane’s came down for Peter’s birthday. I gave birth a little over a week after their visit. My full dream didn’t and isn’t going to come true, but God gave me a wee sample and I felt in those moments I glowed. 

24) What has improved?
Our financial situation. Officially credit card debt free. And we did it all on our own. No family/parents involved. I admire my husband for that.

25) Write a phrase that sums up this year?
…Miles and miles to go before I sleep. 

26) What are you really excited about?
I’m actually a little excited about maybe losing this baby weight and then some.

27) What three words describe your family.

Favor. Funny. Beautiful 
….and too damn big for this house.

28) What fruit of the spirit do you think needs focus?
Always love. I constantly need to grow in love. For this particular time though, I need to give self-control a shout out and special attention. I think, perhaps, only being surrounded by children that maybe, just maybe I’m turning into one. I mean… Maybe I never reached true adulthood. Maybe I never matured as it happens for others. I know I’m different. I know I’m childish and naive, but then I know I haven’t had some of the childish and naive experiences my peers have had the time to live out and develop from. I’m my own label, my own category. I can’t relate to my peers. I can’t relate to self discipline and drive. This makes me want to harness up some self control and be powerful. Resilient, strong. Then again maybe self control is holding in the truth of how you really feel, I kind of have that down. It’s rough, on one side I keep my cards close but on the other it drives me crazy having to pretend. It’s so much work.
Okay can I change my answer? Is sleep one of the fruits of the spirit? If it is, I choose that one. 

Ultimately, this year has been good to me and I hope to be the person who see’s all that we have and all that we are blessed with, rather than to see what is missing. I’ve been reminding myself all year; my cup runneth over. 


River is 7 Months Worth of Preciousness 

I’m having a terribly trying morning. I feel inadequate and overwhelmed but last night I told myself I had to get these up and done, so here I am.

Earlier this month my wee man, River, turned 7 months adorable. As usual, I know on his “date birthday” I take a picture of him. Usually I take the picture in the evening. This particular time I had asked my husband to be home to help me. This really just requires him to stand behind me and to get the baby to look in our direction. I’ve had our older children do this for me to, but in general it leads to very confused looking pictures, and me yelling at my children to do as I’ve asked. I get very very ‘diva controlling’ when it comes to pictures.

Unfortunately, on this 7 month date it looked like another day daddy would be working until after dark. I was feeling the anxiety set in when it became clear he wouldn’t be there to help, and I definitely needed to get the picture that day. Because I get controlling like that. 

In desperation I dressed and set up the baby, grabbed my camera, found the 7 month sticker and I was ready! 

I decided to leave the kids out of it and tried to make it work solo. And, as far as I thought, it went great! I knew I wouldn’t have time to load them right away and edit them as I had to pack for my family. We were leaving on holiday that next morning.

After dark when everyone’s things were together and my husband finally got home, I took the opportunity to upload my images and was in such dismay and upset to find that nearly all of the images were over exposed. I was stupid and didn’t check to see if perhaps the dials got changed by a certain toddler, or even to check the images I had taken on the screen. No, the over used, baby brain wash momma screw up.

I can be pretty stupid about wanted pictures to come out just right. I think I’m such a perfectionist with this as I might think that it’s the only thing that makes me interesting, or cool, or something other than a caretaker/homemaker. I cling to it a little too much, but find, in my reality today, there isn’t much room for me. For photography. Anyway, these are the pictures that I was able to salvage. Too bad there were some gosh dang cutestever ones in that over exposed batch.


Little River is so cute and is always such a darling to be around. He is even more precious at 7 months! I adore him and find that he is the pleasent part of my day. He’s just so dang easy to be around that I feel happy, comforted and peaceful with him naturally. He can sit up all on his own now. He still falls sometimes so he usually has a fortress of pillows in the shape of a horseshoe and various toys to inspect in front of him. He’s been eating baby food like crazy that his weight is now shooting up faster. We found out that he is nearly at the “average” percentile in his weight, which I’m pleased about. Even more pleasing is the fact that even though he could gain more he is above average in his height. It made me feel good that both the nurse and Doctor commented on his height without me saying anything. :)Little man River is a boy all his own and reminds my of my father more and more. Everyone in the family dotes on him and takes turns giving him kisses and cuddles. We are very blessed.


Happy Half Year!


Rohn River is delighted to be half years young! 

As predicted, Rohn River has grown by two teeth! Occasionally he’ll test them out while nursing but leaves the real chewing practice on his toys. His drive to eat what we eat has grown and we’ve experimented with banana and he loves it!

Like he promised, Rohn has conquered the art of grabbing one’s toes and is on to his next quest; chewing on said toes. 

We’ve practiced sitting up and we’re not quite sturdy enough to go at on our own yet, but we’ll get there!


Can sit up only long enough to take a picture.


Is absolutely captivated by cars that pass by


the tree is his favorite, it makes lovely clicking nosies

His play seat jungle jim is now his most favorite thing, besides mommy. We’ve learned how to splash in the bath and now he can hardly think to do anything else during bath time.  

Blowing raspberries is a must! I quite literally wake up EVERY SiNGLE MORNING to him blowing raspberries. Some people have alarm clocks, we have Rohn River.

So utterly delighted that he belongs in our home.



Rohn River Gives 5 Months the Thumbs up!

Our little man is happy and talking more than ever. His favorite is when I talk to him by way of Chewbacca coos, he absolutely loves it.His appetite has jumped quite a bit and we’re excited about the possibility of wee rolls. Testing his chops by biting me while nursing, hasn’t been so cute. We think he might decide to teeth without my consent. 😉

He’s quite interested in what everyone else is eating and even got to suckle on a chicken bone after staring longing and determinedly reaching for it! 

His motor skills are keen and his interest in the outside world is breathtaking to watch. Grabbing his feet is his next feat! He tries and tries and this month we’re betting he’ll grab hold. We love our sweet, laughing boy and can’t help gathering round to see what he’ll do and how he’ll make us smile. Blessed beyond with our little man River.

I leave you with these adorable gummy smiled photos of our prize and joy! Red for the month of love and dressed up in fire engines in honor of his grandfather’s birthday month. (Now retired, he worked over 30 some-odd-years for the Scottish fire brigade.)


Little Man River is 4 Months Young

Little man River turned 4months this week! Still loving, peaceful, and calm, River loves to be held and loves loves loves trying to reach for your face to pull you down for a kiss. He is now at that faze where you can’t always cuddle him like a newborn and wants to be held upright so that he might see all that is going on. His play mat is a must and the cowbell is his particular favorite to reach for. He adores being sung to by his big sister Apple, being read to by big sister Sparrow and is calmest when big brother is stomping about where he can see and hear all that Samwise gets into. Our string bean has graduated to 6month clothing with the length capacity to fit into some of the 9month clothing too. He loves being kissed to sleep and his hands being held. We are so very happy that he is ours! 


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